have your cake and eat it too

pros and cons of balloons.

i keep shaking myself awake in the middle
of the day. daydreaming as usual. daydreaming about
getting back to my comfort. waking up to realize that, again,
he's off on tour. i'm feeling a little bit hazy.

i guess it hasn't hit me.

after 3 weeks of trying to soak up every second of
energy, + love,
[while still resuming as usual]
a weekend in the hot desert (overwhelmingly)
strengthened /
expanded /
bloated
my heart.
[my hands] my grip.

it all feels like those balloons on strings at the festivals...
going with the wind... individual
balloons.. holding up that string..
holding up each other.. out of line, but always in a line.
just when i think i've got a handle on it... the wind shifts.

but there is more good here than there is in a balloon.
(balloons liter the earth. they explode. they make your hair frizz.)

here balloons inspire.

they say it's gonna rain.

The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it. -Patrick Young


To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. -George Santayana


Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella. -Terri Guillemets

i say, i'm tired of trying to plan ahead. impossible. perfectly impossible.

date in the park

2 days to go.

photos: mine & theirs

date with destiny

It's only natural for boyfriends and girlfriends to influence each others likes and dislikes over a period of time. Bands, songs, movies, adventures, all of those favorite things hold potential for being shared between a two. For me and mine, our musical tastes parallel. (Adversely, he only endures my passion for terrible reality television.) But slowly but surely, his love for film has found a place on my palate. If you know Kelcey, you know about his love for Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I will admit I found it peculiar and I was (admittedly) a bit jealous of the relationship. But after many endeavors from Brick to 500 Day of Summer, I've found myself enjoying JGL even without Kelcey around. I think we may be meant to be. (Shh! Don't tell Kelc!) The moment I knew during the Singing in the Rain inspired monologue when Joseph hosted SNL. Make 'em laugh made me smile. And now I've found this video on his personal blog, and I am obsessed. JGL is superb (per the usual) in this short film, but also I am completely addicted to the play with language here. The English major nerd that I am wants to type out every word. And of course.. the colors, the lack of saturation, the little flowers and animation, and that cute little mustache... What a beauty!

craving an authentic NY bagel

for my mom's 50th birthday last summer, we went on a trip to new york, and met up with the boys on tour. i'm not sure if missing New York led me to looking at my NYC pictures... or if looking at NYC pictures led me to missing New York. either way, i'm seriously craving an authentic NY bagel. anyone know where i can find one in L.A.?

my new york trip: june 4 - june 7, 2009

post-red-eye breakfast

shopping in soho

central park

new york city reunion: "we're in new york!"

broadway show: we went to see guys n dolls. starring lauren graham!

the most amazing dinner: freeman's in the LES.

city people. the walking man.

i love my boyfriend. my kpo.

statue of liberty. day 3.
remember 9/11.

local natives @ bowery ballroom.

thanks mom for an amazing trip to new york!

i love you and our adventures.

on the road again...

back to school

as i mentioned, i'm taking a class... back to school for me
this weekend i went to the getty.. for class.
then i went down to san clemente to hang out with kelcey's little sister.
pet shop. saw a pretty little bird. thought about painting it. (getty influenced i think)
stayed the night after crafting.
sunday - went to mass / open house / science fair / 8th grade classroom.
sunday night - noticed bird art in guest room. by kelcey. 7th grade.
this morning. phone call. i went to sabrina's school i said. oh that's my school too.
ah yes. of course.

Constantly learning

I'm constantly learning to say goodbye.
To say hello. To reunite. To enjoy the moment. To fill my heart.

To say goodbye.

It's an important lesson to learn, I think. But such a tough one.

To wish you well. To send my love. To feel love sent.

It's that leap off the cliff. The gasping for air.

I'm still learning how to find the rush.

oh, semantics.

Thanks to the ability to search through tweets, I have the immediate satisfaction of knowing that crowds of people across the states are loving a set. It's all worth it. My boyfriend "kills it" every night... and that's actually a good thing. A wonderful thing.

Proud. And happy.

what are cravings anyway?

a flash of desire? we crave food. places. people. feelings. but what is it that sends that small taste, or hint, or reminder? a message straight from the heart.

yes, it's a flash of desire. i hear you heart, i do.

Talk of the Town

Every time I see another single up for sale, I kind of feel like a proud mama. Or I suppose, a proud girlfriend. Probably more like the latter. Spend those pennies. [Click here.]

Replies and Reminders

In reply to a friend who writes of close quarters, I must say thank you.

I sit in this office every day, typing in destinations and viewing streets through the screen. I daydream about flying and with no sleep, gifting more smiles and supportive squeezes. Most often the daydreams remain just that, and I admire (the energy, and) the ability to chase it. Then I read about the fears and the struggles, the unexpected (materialistic) needs serving as substitutions of the real love and comfort, substitutions of home, and realize they are learning a new way of living: Away from loved ones, away from everything already known. They must rely on suitcases, and each other, like a circle of skydivers with a low number of parachutes. It is a thrill.

After spending an excessive amount of hours in that tour van, on the road, I understand the words now. The ones that talk of cramped spaces and interrupted sleep. They have sent themselves to the streets to experience it all in a different way. And they do, and we do. My pillow never moves more than a few inches. His will travel the world.

It's completely chaotic, but I must say, entirely worth it. Speeding mile after mile to get home, 20 hours without much time to stretch, there was a hazy longing for the road once we unlocked the front door with our own keychain. I want to go back there.

Within the boxes of my months, certain numbers have a [city] match. Few of those have a boarding pass, and the rest are just reminders.

With Love (in place of leaves.)

It started with a less than three dimensional smile and a shoulder shrug of intrigue.
Same as the clatter of wood against a small tom drum gradually builds
to a tune,
where I'm at now grew from only the slightest chance into a rumble of energy and love. One inspiring another, I call it a tree of love because I
can't imagine any of it without every piece of what it is.

I met a boy, but I've met five as well.
Their commitment to each other wasn't a secret for long, and as soon as I realized what I'd found I only fell deeper. Each with their own role, personally & musically, the branches of their talents just keep growing more and more near to my heart.

They are (each and together) teaching me so much about it all...
Passion, talent, love, life;
how to laugh while everyone is taking it all too seriously.
At a Hollywood hotel pool where everyone is just too cool...
they jumped in, and played chicken.

Off on tour again, I miss each of them,
those branches, and the whole tree; all of them together, recreating these lessons through a 45 minute expression of everything they've got.
Each night, in each city, connecting us all.

I miss him. Of course I miss him. Our nest. My love. My heart.
But he'll be back soon enough.
Every moment until then, I just feel.
I feel the wind, I feel the sun, I feel inspired. I feel excited.
I imagine that I'm spinning. Like a 6 year old in a party dress.

I wouldn't trade it for a second of anything else.

grab that cab

Last night was designated DATE NIGHT - a fancy dinner, dessert & all, and kisses in the corner of a crowded bar. He granted my PDA wish.