i just had a decently-sized craving for summer vacation.

we all love our fair share of escapism - the movies - the music - reality tv - but growing up, summer vacation was definitely the highlight of my year. no more sitting in class. no more homework. no more bad weather. summer vacation is the truest escape of them all.... for kids anyway. and being the planner that i am and was from day one, around this time of year, april - may, i always started looking for summer activities: sports camps (hated them), art classes (a favorite), summer jobs (anything by a pool), and trips with the fam of course (i really always have enjoyed these!).

but unless you become a teacher, 3 months of fun doesn't exist anymore. once committed to a 9-5, there's nothing but a change in jackets for summer. every day will still be a workday, and every night, saturday, and sunday will still be my only chance to satisfy the cravings of freedom and guilty pleasures.

but maybe it's better this way. when i was a kid, i couldn't afford a thing, and all that time went to waste. now i've got to choose my activities wisely (definitely avoiding sports camp) and make the most of my nights and weekends.

i think i'm doing well at that. last night i went to the echo with a bunch of friends, and then completed my evening with a sleepover. i refuse to let having a job take over my fun. i mean... maybe i'll have something different to say about all of this after my review with my boss later today, but for now, i'm going maximize my time off - and appreciate the fact that i get to do what i want, even if it is mostly while the sun is asleep.

and on the flip side, as much as i always loved summer break, i also really loved shopping for school supplies. and now i spend 40 hours a week with a computer, desk lamp, stapler, and a never-ending supply of ball point pens. if only they'd order me some highlighters....

i'm awake.

after so many years of being tucked into bed for sweet dreams and physical gain, i've finally realized how good it feels to grow up, or rather, to grow forward. when i was younger, i used to sit in my classes or lie on my bedroom floor and gaze out the window, letting my thoughts float far and away, up into the clouds. i'd imagine the things little girls do imagine: what true love would be like, what that real world would offer, and those perfect shoes for every occasion. an uninterrupted daydream was paradise.

but just a few years ago there was that moment of realization that the dreams we have as children are just that. we have to put our energy towards acting rather than thinking, and speaking rather than listening because if we don't do something, we stay stuck in the dream-like state, everything happening around us, hazy and out of our control. and there was a time after waking up to this reality that i was scared and in search of someone or something, anything fluffy and soft to surround myself with. but as much as i want the ice cream cone to stay floating above, the wind always takes it away. chasing the clouds can be so tiring.

now, at this young age of 24, i'm finally feeling comfortable with the responsibility of being awake. every day i appreciate more and more, and i am beginning to feel excitement for what is to come because i know that i have learned and will continue to learn. i guess it's true that we are wiser as we get older, and i'm looking forward to being able to see the world from this point of view. i used to really smile from the moments i'd create in my imagination... the perfect picnics and the rainy kisses. but now, as cheesy as it sounds, it's the real events and memories i have that make me truly smile, and that is such an amazing feeling.

i just wish someone had told me sooner... that time would do it's work. however, maybe they did tell me... i was probably just too busy hitting snooze.

when the dust settles.

last year when a group of friends was packing up to go to coachella, i remember sitting on E's bed watching and listening and wondering how i might like a 3 day festival in the desert heat. i've always loved going to live shows, so in that respect, it sounded amazing. on the flip side, the 105 degree weather and stories of exhaustion were really, very intimidating.

self proclaimed coachella experts had all forewarned me about the weekend. the necessity of having a good, strong group of friends, and a place with a shower and a comfy bed. they were right, and i guess this time around i'm thankful that i started planning so far in advance. i locked down a 2 bedroom condo just a short drive from the festival in october, and it was definitely helpful in the recuperation each night. at the end of every day i could feel the layer of dirt on my face, and i can't imagine trying to fall asleep that way. (people actually camp out there. crazy.) i like my bed and shower. that, and sunscreen. i drove back to los angeles on monday without a sunburn... or having lost anything (or anyone), and i'm pretty pleased about that.

so how was it?

it's one of those words can't describe things... day one i was very overwhelmed with the masses of people and huge stages and tents. the heat wasn't terrible. actually, we were too cold friday night to make it all the way through paul mccartney's set. (amazing, of course. yet, i didn't feel it until the beatles came on the radio early this week. my heart fluttered then at that moment -- holy crap. i've seen him. -- sometimes it just takes time.)

i think for a lot of people, coachella is an event of a weekend, or a party weekend, just something to do with music around. that's the vibe i got from a lot of people anyway. but for me, it was about the music. i didn't want to drink - partly because it was too hot - and partly because i thought i might get lost in a sea of people if i was drunk - but mostly because i just wanted to remember it all. i think party weekends are probably best saved for vegas. (also, i guess the only good drinks are in the VIP section, so until then.. i'll be sober. those fake margaritas were not good.)

so the highlights... for me, fleet foxes sang their way straight into my heart. i couldn't get enough of that set... i filled up my memory card with video... and even though i was watching it alone (we all got separated just prior to), i was so very happy and content. i'm listening to their album now actually. i'm kind of hooked.

jenny lewis was amazing. i've been a rilo kiley fan for about 5 years, so when she started singing silver lining, i almost had to hold back the tears. she's so good, and her music has been there through it all it seems.

other notes... i really enjoyed blitzen trapper. and beruit. i need to buy both of their stuff next. (there's really so much i need to get now). okkervil river made me smile. the yeah yeah yeahs were great as always. (i was annoyed, however, by the loud people next to me screaming at a my little pony toy. ugh.) lykke li... i was very excited to see her... and she put on a show.. in the hottest weather of the weekend. devendra was probably my biggest disappointment. sad face. i was expecting something more acoustic and hippie'd out. what i got was a bit of a loud rock show, with people waving their arms. i was confused too.

girl talk was one of the most fun moments of the weekend. we all got really hyper and started dancing around like we just didn't care. amazing.

i wasn't really into the main stage much. the cure sounded flawless, but they're really just too emo to watch. and the killers are just too big. too perfect. i was bored.

i'm sure i'm forgetting some others, but it was a really fun weekend overall. now it's back to the grind which always just leaves me daydreaming and listening to tunes in my ipod. and writing things here. and not getting anything else done. bad girl. more later.

morning sighs.

it's a gloomy 61 degrees outside, and chances of rain are in the forecast. it's definitely one of those mornings in los angeles that i just want to stay in bed. i'd like to be snuggled under the covers, a soft blanket up to my sleeping eyes. i suppose i wouldn't deny some good ol' fashioned spooning either. imagine the kind of sleep that happens with smiles. mm...

alas, it is not saturday. on this t.g.i.f. morning, i found the motivation deep inside of me to crawl to the bottom of the bed, and find balance above my two feet. leaving a sleeping T and K, i found my way to my car for a peaceful, kcrw filled daydream of a drive to work.

now i'm sitting in a very quiet office. both bosses are out today, so in a way, my relaxation can continue. there's nothing to watch on tv, so i'm enjoying the silence for now. and luckily, i've got a blanket right here at my desk. the ac in this building is oh so aggressive.

i did happen to notice a kiddie carnival at the corner of riverside and los feliz on my way to work. maybe if the rain rain goes away, i can catch up on my snuggles on the ferris wheel tonight. no single riders here. ;)

on the road again.

so the boys will be on their way up the coast to canada and back next week through the end of the month. tours are great for the band, but for me, that means two weeks without his kisses. i make the most of the time to myself, and i've already got a few shows on my own calendar for checking out, but i also can't help wanting to countdown the days.

but i've gotta take it day by day... or week by week.. who knows what kind of huge tour they'll end up on in the near future. eep. it is so bittersweet. but i'm proud. and happy for them. they deserve it.

next monday lykke li is going to be dj-ing at the standard in hollywood. as much as i dislike the standard, i'm looking forward to checking out her set. djs in general fascinate me, with their cool lean and presumably elite music taste. [if only that were true with them all]. i have a feeling lykke li will entertain my inner foot loose.

1 week til coachella take off... :)

these boots were made for dancing.

the boys have a show tonight! i'm so excited. also, it's been over a month since i've seen a fellow band play, and i'm looking forward to dancing up front with the rest. it should be a good one. two bands i've never seen before will be playing as well, and i've heard a lot of good things.

i'm wishing i had more time off of work so i could just lounge and listen to tunes. next week is coachella - my first time. i've got a condo reserved and a good group to experience it all with. now i just have to get rid of this cough that won't stop attacking me in the middle of the night. go away, cough. go away.

it's the thought that counts.

mm.. so where to begin?

i had an amazing weekend. the best. and i couldn't have planned it if i tried. i'm beginning to realize that as much as it is in my nature to plan, things seem to turn out just fine without the plan. i've always feared the non-plan because i felt things were out of my control, and by out of my control, i guess what i really mean is that my feelings weren't going to be considered, and i wasn't going to be happy with the end result. but there's something entirely different about a non-plan when it's spent with someone who cares completely how you feel. truly.

when my weekend getaway took a nose dive towards what could have seemingly been a rocky, painful crash landing, there was someone with a kind heart there to hold my hand and help me find a way to see something new. it sounds silly, that i was so stressed about such a insignificant thing; it was a weekend getaway. but at the same time, i put my heart into planning, and my past has turned that moment of to care or not to care, into a significant one. he does care and i am pleased. i'm impressed. i'm happy. he's great. i could have very easily been upset, and i could have been mad, but for the first time i can really say that it's the thought that counts, and i know that his intentions were there. in the bigger picture, our destination didn't matter. a quick road trip or a far away flight, the time together was all that mattered. and is cherished. and appreciated. again, i just feel so lucky, and that's all i am choosing to feel. those thoughts count. those thoughts make me smile.